And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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