Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
