when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
