I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
