NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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