She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
