How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
