We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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