ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
