how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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