I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
