my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
