Where is the hickey?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
