Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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