the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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