More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
