Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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