So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize