So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
