I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
