Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
