A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
