come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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