He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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