Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize