You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
