By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There r osticjed everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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