Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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