I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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