I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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