thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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