just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize