everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
