Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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