i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
