i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
