Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
