Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
