shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
