dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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