I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
