Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
