I must be too annoying 4 u.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize