You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
