if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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