can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
