I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
