God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
