you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
