On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
