Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
