So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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