mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
