he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
