quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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