just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
