my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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