I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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