Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
