just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
