oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
