Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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