I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
