were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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