im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
