found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
