Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
