Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
