ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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